Thor Blimey!

The next chapter of adventure takes place across the cold arctic seas to Norway. It's quite incredible to think that those crazy Vikings made this same journey in boats with no real navigational instruments or know how other than "stay close to the shoreline as long as you can". I wonder for every Viking ship that landed in Scotland, or Iceland, or England etc how many were lost as sea. Perilous stuff.

Norway, is a beautiful country that is comprised mainly of expansive fjords, expansive mountains and a latticework of expensive bridges and expensive tunnels that connect civilisation between them. It's quite stunning and after Iceland it was nice to see some trees again!

If you're not aware, Norway is hyper-expensive. Even the very remote Iceland was cheaper. To give you an idea, a small beer is about 6 to 7 Euro here, which means most backpacking tourists instantly become monks/nuns. And don't even think about a bottle of wine or spirits, those require a mortgage to be taken out or sacrificing your left nut/breast or first born. Even if you have the money, you have to be extremely lucky to buy alchohol during Norway's tight non-prohibition times too.

Indeed when asked "how did Norway fare through the recession?" the response from a local was "what is a recession?" which I think sums it up.

Norwegian cuisine revolves around getting imaginative and personal with fish. Fish overdose limits are always near after you are plied with delicious fish soup topped off with some fish cakes, coupled with fish pancakes, fish balls, fish pies and fish pudding. Suprisingly no one has made fish ice cream ... yet. It's a market gone begging in my humble opinion.

The folk here are also pretty big on a special type of brown cheese called Brunost which is consumed in epidemic proportions. This cheese is really something else, it's like cutting through a milk chocolate coloured block of putty. Once strategically applied to a waiting piece of bread or, in our case, a waffle it deploys a flavour and melted consistency that is like a cross between cheese and peanut butter. It's quite addictive!

The scenery here is majestic, particularly the train trip from Bergen to Oslo (when the train is not in a damned tunnel!). When the snow melts and springs comes to Norway the whole mountainsides come to life with greenery and a million little waterfalls. The water is crystal clear and amazing to drink, for that reason I feel Norwegians have a lifetime of disappointment ahead of them in terms of water quality pretty much everywhere else in the world.

The little Nordic houses perched on ledges in the mountains are extremely picturesque, especially those with grass on the roof which is used as a form of natural insulation. One roof had so much grass that it had a little goat on the roof who kept it mowed. The goat had his own little hut on the roof that he could sleep in too, this made me wonder if on the roof of that little hut was some grass with an even smaller goat and a smaller hut, and on the roof of that smaller hut ....

Norway is apparently the home of magical trolls which live in the forests everywhere just hanging out and being overall benevolent. Somewhat conveniently they turn into moss covered stones during the day when exposed to sunlight, only when it is dark do they become trolls again. It's important to be good friends with the trolls on your land as they bring you good fortune. It also helps to pump out a bit of "The Troll March" on your stereo too to make them feel comfortable. In other words; respect the rocks kids.

The main port of call was Bergen, a small sea side town. It rains a lot in Bergen, their current record is about 85 days straight, which was only just off the world record. It's comforting in some way to know that there is a place somewhere on Earth that has worse weather than England. If you can tolerate the rain Bergen has an incredible waterfront area know as Bryggen. This labyrinth of wonky wooden buildings with stairways going at every which angle is the closest thing you'll experience to a seaside pirate shanty town. It's really quite enchanting and fun to wander through, except when it floods, in which case all the shops at ground level go under water as the water comes up through the floorboards. All and all it's very impressive enough to be world heritage listed and is a great excuse to bring out a multitude of "Yarrggh"s.

Before I wrap this post up I have to make one special mention to Norwegian dancing, I am not sure of the name of it, but there is one dance in particular which results in the guy having to do a spinning Jean Claude Van Damme roundhouse kick to remove a hat from a stick in order to impress the woman. It's pretty awesome, do youtube it.

Now is rest time, all this ridiculously fresh and pristine mountain air and water makes people tired ... apparently. I leave you with some Viking wisdom on travelling:

"Never walk away from home ahead of your axe and sword. You can't always feel a battle in your bones or forsee a fight."

Perhaps a little aggressive for travel, so substitute "axe and sword" with "swiss army knife" and "battle" and "fight" with "picnic" and "surprise cheese platter" respectively.