So much serenity ...

And so, wıth stray cats and dogs in stride reminiscient of The İncredible Journey, I fınally conclude this Turkey leg of the trip with this blog entry. Admittedly it was not the intention to spend this long here but Turkey had a way of sucking you in. It really is an amazing place to visit. This might be a long blog so NOW is a good time to sneak to the kitchen and get a coffee.

Following on from the previous entry Fethiye was the next destination, with a first side trip out to Saklikent Gorge (I call it Succulent George just to confuse people). It turned out the bus was actually a tour for Turkish locals, so while not a single word could be understood, it was insanely cheap - something like nine bucks for the entire day.

First stop on the "Captain Insano" mountain express was a cave where Alexander the Great once stopped for a Macedonian power nap en route to greater conquests. During this time there was the opportunity for much incoherent banter with a few locals who wondered why the hell tourists would come on this bus.

Post freshwater trout lunch, the hike into the gorge began, and what an exciting adventure it was. The testicle shrinking thawed snow water combines with the clay-like rock and hordes of people to create one giant natural water slide park. Tourists press forth haphazardly under the mocking laughter of ex-Turkish army commando tour guides to see some amazing cave sights.

The next stop, and perhaps the best stop, was Oludeniz Beach. It really is very picturesque so by all means Google it. It is a shame that the good beaches here often cost money but when you have 70 million people wanting to use it I guess you gotta create some means of stopping it eroding in one day.

The final destination of the Turkıshiye escapade was Capadocia - land of strange rocks. For those of you scientifically minded apparently over a kazillion (yes, a kazillion) years some big rocks were blown out of a volcano and the ground eroded around them to create little spires with big rocks on top. The Hitites and early Christians fleeing persecution carved little huts out of these spires. The locals call them fairy chimneys - I call them Jawa huts ... where the sand people live.

Just be careful when exploring this place, flash floods can and do happen. Especially in places called the "Valley of Love". In addition, it is really easy to get lost and take the wrong valley. In which case you are doomed to backtrack a looooong way .... unless of course you meet a friendly farmer who is willing to show you the "quick" route. ie. straight over a sheer cliff. While the locals climb these places like mountain goats, I can assure you it is SO much scarier for  naive tourists.

Remaining adventures were a little more sedate but just as interesting including an 8 story climb into the awesome Seline Monastery and an 8 story descent into the underground city of Derinkuyu. There are even rock huts nearby that supposedly may have been used as a filming location for the first Star Wars movie.

I will leave you now with some last minute tidbits of key learnings of Turkey for cultural benefit of world before I settle into a comfy chair and resume grape inhaling mode.

1. The call to prayer echoes through each town via megaphones on the mosques. The sound of the man singing not only stirs the devout from his slumber but many a humble canine wıth musıcal aspıratıons. The call to howl is a far better term and one of the most amusing street choirs we have ever heard.

2. Household gas is delivered here via a truck that looks just like an ice cream van. It even plays a little musical ditty! I felt like running after it like a little kid.

3. Iraq is only a few 100kms away!

4. Turkish flags can do anything - from cover broken car windows to hold bridges together.

5. Bush tucker here is second to none - nothing beats hiking and being able to pluck fresh grapes, olives and blackberries as you go. Damn you blackberry hand stains!

6. Janitors are by far the best source of information at bus and train stations. They work on tips and are prepared to throw themselves in front of moving vehicles for you.

7. The radio station slogan is a little hard line here - "Turk FM - controlling the speakers, dominating your life". Far out.

8. I am happy to find a country where the Chrysler Gallant lives on not just in memory.

9. In case you ever come here note that "special taxi" means "a donkey".

10. If you are a Turkish bus driver ANY time is a good time to overtake.

11. When building a brick home sometimes cow dung does just a good a job as mortar.

12. Choose your sausage carefully, raw intestine can only be a menu item away...

13. You can get your fortune told here by a man on the street who analyses the walking habits of his rabbits in your presence. I personally prefer my destiny to be dictated by some other technique then rabbits on heat wandering around dodging their own stool.

14. The national lotto on TV is LIVE. Which makes for awesome viewing when the ball spinning machine breaks down and some random bum with a cigarette in his mouth comes out and gives it a bit of a kick while the host sits in awkward silence.

15. Adam means "man" in Turkey. I am man, hear me roar.

The Road to Ruins...

After spending almost a week in İstanbul it's now time to explore the coast of Turkey, spending about three nights in each small town of interest. Time is really flying. I can't believe today is day 50 of this trip.

The first stop was a town named Canakkale, housing the legendary city of Troy and Gallipoli / Anzac Cove. Troy is so incredibly ancient. Eight cities were built one on top of the other, the first being 5000 years old. Our group's guide was an old War Historian, Allee, who tended to add heaps of crazy humour and colour to the endless facts he had in his head. It was great to have him also take us to Gallipoli and give us the Turkish side of the story to this battle.

We all got an overwhelming feeling of the futility of that battle and how ill-planned an attack it had been on the part of the Brittish commanders losing 250,000 young Aussies and NZ's to a gaining of no more than the length of 2 football fields (this point was subtly alluded to so as not to offend the 2 British tourists on our tour). We were however happy to hear Allee shed some positive light on the war. After many months of trench warfare, the men and commanders no longer felt it necessary to waste any more lives. Instead of grenades being thrown into the opposing trench it was chocolate bars! The Anzacs found a spirit which we would remember and commemorate for nearly a century and beyond and the Turks came to realise a new political leader who had commanded their counter-attack against the British, his name being Ataturk. This guy is a national hero. He died in the 60's, but his memory lives on in the countless memorials, posters and flags that you can see around every corner. Without him, the Turkish people believe they would be like Saudi Arabia. I'd be thinking the Turkish woman would be eternally grateful for that.

So far brilliant lasting memories have been forged of Turkey (if the wine and beer don't force any of it out). Since Canakkale there have been stopps at Bergama the home of the Pergamon Acropolis and the Red Basilica (mentioned in the Bible), followed by a town called Selcuk which has many ruins dating well before BC. St Paul, apparently brought the Virgin Mary there to rest after Jesus died. Ephesus was a grand ol'place, with the most intact ruins seen so far.

There are natural wonders abound here too, such as the calcium travertines of Pamukkale which are a natural spring highly enriched with calcium so that as it spews out of the mountain the water evaporates and leaves white terraces similar in shape to Asia's rice paddy terraces.

I have to add also, that I can't help feeling disappointed when one of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World is supposed to be in your vicinity, like the Temple of Artemis, and you find out that all the good bits are in a museum somewhere else in the world. I actually dislike how museums operate in many ways now!

Merhaba!

Welcome to Istanbul - 16 million people ... one garbage bin.

Constantinople as it was once known, is incredible to say the least. It really is the bridge between the middle east and Europe, and vastly different to anything experienced culture wise so far. This blog entry may be quite the roller coaster.

After being welcomed to Turkey by the ever friendly border patrol guards (AKA the tourist inquisition) a mosey on into the heart of Sultanahment, the old district, and into the midst of hostel hell was on order. After being told the room reservation did not exist even though I had a reply to an email I had sent confirming the stay and then being told that it is such a busy time that "you really must book in advance" ....

...

... a hostel with space was found. However the hostel then proceeded to double book the beds, the solution to this was to be moved to dorm 101, otherwise known as the decrepit suite. What can you do except roll with the punches?

The shop vendors here are reminiscent of Indonesia, combining an eagerness to fire off a "hello there good sir, I would like to be showing my fine menu of this very morning" wıth a with a short memory. They also use the cute factor of kittens and cats to lure you in the store, which led me to firing off quotes from Cheech in "From Dusk to Dawn" some of you will know and love ...

Istanbul has absolutely no shortage of treasures; the Aya Sofia, a massive church built in Roman times, pillaged of everything that wasn't bolted down by the crazy hooligans of the 4th crusade, haphazardly converted to a mosque and then finally turned into a museum; the Blue Mosque, the biggest one in Turkey; the underground Roman reservoir Basilica Cistern, which looks exactly like the temple where Perseus kicks Medusa's butt in the original Clash of the Titans. I love that scene so much I had to show you a photo.....



In addition there is the sublime Topkapi Palace - the highlight of which is of course the Sultan's Harem. Those Sultan's sure didn't know how to run an empire but they sure did know how to party! A sultan with 300 children didn't spend much time on administrative duties! 

Stumbling through the carefully laid network of corn and "Dirty Rice" vendors, one inevitably finds onseself at the Grand Bazaar ... the largest known network of rug salesmen in the universe. And I really do wish them all the best on the continuing mission to try and sell 5 x 5 metre rugs to backpackers now and in the future.

Istanbul has a mosque on virtually every 3rd block which makes for a truly impressive sound when the "Call to Prayer" relays through the city from east to west. Even the alley cats stop for a few minutes ... then go back to resuming "cute meowing mode" in every little bit of grass. Istanbul has one square metre of parkland per person ... which isn't a lot, so space for the cats is tight. This also might explain the small army of police dedicated to ignoring crime and focusing on keeping those pesky tourists off the damned grass.

The food here is awesome, but it is definitely worthwhile having a phrasebook handy to prevent the social blunder of ordering something you can't eat ... like say ... ram's balls. I personally also prefer NOT to eat raw mince kebabs even though that raw mince was surely lovingly hand rolled by a sweaty guy with a moustache while he has a cigarette in the other hand.

Raki, the Turkish national drink, is difficult to digest due to it's incredible aniseed power, however I love the apple tea and Turkish coffee is always available if you feel sleep is entirely overrated. Of course you cannot come to Turkey without enjoying a Hookah water pipe either - the middle eastern party bong.

So in summary, Istanbul is astonishingly cool and possibly one of the most amazing cities on Earth, the dervishes really do spin counter clockwise, dolphins do live in the Bosphorous strait, it's fantastic being a traveling vagrant and Baklava is super sweet.

Castles, MIG's and Cows

A warm greeting from Bulgaria, which I am first to admit is a bit of a surprise package. Upon crossing the noob [Danube] river again and once past the standard "shock and awe" tactics of the border crossing guards you are welcomed to a land of greener fields, a somehow border observant instant reduction of smog and the happy hearted people of Bulgaria. There was even a chance meeting with a local on the train who was most excited at teaching some Bulgarski, I taught him "Gday mate" in return. I can't wait to see the face of the next Aussie he meets on his train ride.

Overall Bulgarians are very helpful to travelers to the point where you feel terribly guilty for the effort they are investing into you, which is very refreshing! Although I couldn't seem to find out any info about Krum or the Bulgarian Quidditch team. I suspect Harry Potter may be fictional. By the way, for those of you that haven't read the last book - VOLDEMORT IS HARRY'S FATHER!!

The first stop was Veliko Tarnovo, which roughly reads as "Bonk a Hobo" in Cyrillic through Latin eyes. The hostel here is the best one yet - a free hot dog and beer for dinner is crazy cool! They also have in their possession computers, something often find hard to locate! Unfortunately in what is becoming a common problem, the bed's are designed for oompa loompas and have bed heads at each end. Which means the normal folk around me sleep in peace while I must continue my personal battle with the foetal position.

The town has an extremely awesome castle called Tsaravet's fortress that you can wander around for hours, right on top of the ruins - which somehow seems a little short sighted, admittedly they are rebuilt but hey. Additionally, just when I thought it couldn't get any better they unveil LASERS! The fortress has an awesome light show at night that blew us away. PEW PEW LASERS!

Unfortunately the stay here is a short one, but here's some quick facts on Bulgaria:

1. As you travel further east in Europe the green WALK sign/light at pedestrian crossings becomes more and more hilariously animated. It also confers virtually no safety anymore, it now simply means that if you really want to cross this stretch of insane drivers NOW is technically the time you will suffer less horrendous injuries should you get hit.

2. If you order a whole rabbit here in a small town, you are expecting to lovingly scoop out the little critters brain and eyes out with a spoon and chow on down under the caring gaze of a slightly crazed chef.

3. Bulgaria offers some truly unique tourist experiences, such as the option to "hire" your own cow which you can then kill. The standard package only includes a pistol, but you can spend a bit extra and use an AK-47 or even a rocket launcher. This one is not plugged on most of the brochures funnily enough, but it does exist.

4. Little towns don't have play grounds for kids, instead they have decommissioned army trucks, tanks or MIG fighter jets. Kids are so spoilt here, my youth was spend on a hot metal slide.

5. Nodding your head means no. This sucks. When the shopkeeper finally understands what you want, you can't help but get excited and nod, and then cry as they take the item and put it back on the shelf because you just said no with your head. Awesome.

That's all for now, next post will be from the land named after the term for getting 3 strikes in a row in 10 pin bowling. Go ahead and look it up you inquisitive little beavers.

Romania Part Two

...then, the howling of many wolves howled. "Listen to them.", the Count said, "The children of the night....what sweet music they make!".

So a a visit to the Dracula-esque castle at Bran in Romania was a must, even better was to emerge veins unpunctured. Ok, to be honest it was never Vlad's castle but the shops at the bottom of it sure as hell plug the fact the son of Dracul may have defecated here once on his way to a trademark Impale-o-thon.

The citadel at Rasnov nearby was equally impressive and it is one of the few fortifications in the world that can boast the bold virtue of never having being conquered by any invading force. The Turks should have showed up in a large caravan pretending to be on an organised tour of the fortress, those tour groups are virtually small armies that once inside destroy all in their wake.

Sighisoara also ended up on a highly unpredictable itinerary where one can enjoy a fine selection of cold meats in the house Vlad was born in. I could just picture the little tyke running around with his friends playing 'hide and impale'.

On a side note, after various East European adventures I have noticed quite a stark contrast between first and second class trains here. The main difference being the absence of spit on the walls (or urine/faeces if the toilet) in first class. Everything else is a plus from there really when you think about it. I'd also like to point out how much I love watching the Romanian folk music channel when traveling. Even if it is the same story every time for every song: man meets girl half his age, girl resists man, man basically abducts girl.

Finally, you cannot come to Romania without coming to see Bucharest. Sure it is lacking a tourist information centre, sure the city maps at the train station are funded mainly by advertising from erotic massage and strip club ads, sure the sidewalks resemble construction zones next to the road. But all of this just makes it more exciting getting to the big attraction: the parliament building.

It is the 2nd biggest building in the world and was built under the iron fist of Ceausescu in the prime of his captain insano regime. The building is so damned big it just borders on the insane. It just gets even more crazy when you go inside and see gigantic rooms built for such specific purposes, such as the "international treaty signing room", or the marble staircase that Ceausescu ordered be rebuilt 5 times until it "did it for him".

I really cannot stress how big this building is, I kind of imagine the discussion with him and his profusely sweating architect would have been something like this...
ARCHITECT: "here is the plan, suggestions?"
CEAUSESCU: "bigger."
*architect adds a zero onto each size measurement*
CEAUSESCU: "bigger."
*architect adds a zero onto each size measurement*

It was also nice how he cut the city in half to do it, you can see houses that were smashed in half to make way for the whole thing - you peer into someones old living room. Some 25% of Bucharest's historical churches and monuments were destroyed to make way for the urban monstrosity.

On a lighter note, Bucharest also has an impressive population of stray dogs which are actually referred to as "community dogs". When I heard that I was actually disappointed to see that they were not in little Romanian dog jerseys with a small sign on the chest saying "You are now being mauled by community dog 4276.". The pot holes in Bucharest are easily the best in the land, you can lose a child down one without much fuss. The child would then be covered with garbage within a day or be eaten by a pack of said friendly community dogs.

Surprisingly Romania has now taken the title of best coffee and hot chocolate in European travels so far. I am genuinely interested to see if western Europe can wrest the title from the eastern bloc contenders!

Next post shall be from Bulgaria where another language can be crammed along with a crazy alphabet to boot. It's a shame that each time I learn something new I know I force something else out of my head. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? It's an old joke, but it's strangely apt.