As the title suggests, this post comes from the lands of the Iberian peninsula - Spain and Portugal!
Dios mio what a sublime place this is! It is easy to see why so many people fall in love with this area of Europe; sun drenched beaches, lush green mountains, desert mountain ranges with snow on top, cities full of colour, flamenco dresses, matadors, cute little chimneys and extraordinary cuisine. Plus Spanish always sounds so dramatic to speak.
The adventure began some weeks ago for stalwart traveler Renee, she had been doing some work on a remote farm-stay in Asturias in the very north of Spain. When I found her, she´d been living in a stone cottage with no heating and no running water. She had become some sort of wild thing, carrying water up mountains from the spring, foraging for leaves and berries, digging rocks with her hands and more. I tasked myself to communicate with this untamed spirit, teach her about the world again, teach her how to use electricity and remind her that she would have to leave this paradise and return to real life. It was touch and go for a while there, but she is now fully civilised and well kept again.
Ok, I exaggerate a touch. But the farm was remote and foraging for food and water was required, but it was an absolutely majestic location, nestled in mountains lifted straight out of Tolkien and a way of life is so simple and wholesome that I found myself reluctant to leave it too. They also had some wicked cider and stinky cheese that are unique to that area and Favada bean stew and, somewhat surprisingly, Nettle Soup is to die for!
Needles to say, not many folk speak English round here off the beaten tourist track, so crash Spanish training was necessary. It´s a cool language though we it is difficult forcing the lispy "th" sound out for the letter c (ie. Barcelona is pronounced Barthelona). It is all too easy to spit everywhere in a rather undignified manner. All Spaniards and Portuguese also seem to pride themselves on speaking at a kazillion miles an hour too, it´s like a sign of fertility to the other sex or something I think. All swearing and insults in Spanish, just like most other romance languages, pretty much revolve around cursing relatives, descendants and god in truly gruesome ways.
Somewhat amusingly, Spain and Portugal, just like Italy, are rife with African fake bag / sunglass peddlers. These guys are the epitome of sly, they set up their wares on a small bed sheet with all the products pinned down via pins. Each corner of the sheet is attached to a rope, by which the dodgy trader can quickly convert the whole setup to a bag over their shoulder the moment they spot the boys in blue coming their way. The way the police end up herding these guys through the city like sheep is hilarious - very much like some Benny Hill skit.
Certainly one of the highlights about Spain is tapas. Tapas are basically small dishes of food that you eat with your beer in a Cervaceria. In places like Granada and Sevilla we found that tapas not only comes for free with each beer, but it is devastatingly good too. Inevitably you find yourself ordering more and more beer just to see what the chef is going to throw your way next time. In some tapas bars there are no seats, just high tables. You stand up, drink and eat, with discards going on the floor. The room is filled with boisterous Spanish and the atmosphere is unlike any pubs we´ve encountered before. It´s worth the price of admission to Spain alone just for these tapas bars!
Additionally, I have to also pay mention to Churros. The undisputed king of diet destroyers (all bow before their fried, chocolaty goodness!) and the fact wine is cheaper than water here. Both of these things bring happiness hitherto unfathomable. The hot chocolates here are wickedly thick too; some might describe them as blocks of melted chocolate in a cup, they´d be right too! Drinking one is a challenge, the more appropriate technique is to revert to six year old and pretend you are cleaning a bowl a chocolate cake was mixed in. Dig for victory amigo!
There are some hitches in Iberian cuisine though - firstly, salt content is at Dead Sea ratios. Your kidney´s will be a permanent state of siege; especially for the salted cod which resembles giant vaguely fish shaped clusters of salt. Secondly, the Asturian Hot Dogs are best avoided, buying a bread roll and finding a surprise lukewarm Chorizo in the middle is arguably too character building even for my hardened stomach.
You´ll drink a lot to wash that salt down, and because the weather in southern Portugal and Spain in Summer is very, very hot. Siesta is serious business here, just after lunch the entire country basically closes their cute little wooden doors and slatted windows and hibernates for several hours. As a tourist this means you are trapped outside during lockdown to melt on the street while saddened locals watch you from the inside knowing they cannot help you without letting the insane heat in.
But once the heat dies down a bit, the doors start to edge open, Siesta mode is disabled and Fiesta mode enabled. The locals then proceed to drink, socialise and generally celebrate something until some ungodly hour of the morning, only to repeat it all again tomorrow.
The architecture in Spain is guaranteed to charm the socks off anyone. In the north it is very traditional and basic with a lot of stone cottages, streets and churches. In the south, just like the cold beer, it is very Moorish (¿see what I did there?). The Alhambra in Granada is absolutely a wonder of the world, filled with incredible fortifications, gardens and a masterful, ancient irrigation and fountain system throughout that will push your bladder control to the edge. The Plaza de Espana is also easily one of our favourites; it is fairly modern but simply epic and an an extraordinary example of workmanship. It also doubles as Naboo in Star Wars. .
Lisbon was also a noteworthy visit - it is basically a city made of marble with really cute old trams that have no guards around the wheels. I imagine that on a wet day this basically turns the city into a giant slippery slide / meat grinder for people. It also seems like a very liberal place too, judging by the uplifting experience of seeing a completely naked dude waltzing around the train station upon arrival.
I must admit at this point that I was also taken aback at how uncommon "Portuguese Peri Peri Chicken" is here. I could not find a single place that sold this, not could I find the royal court of His Succulency Lord Nando. I can´t help but feel a little hollow inside being a long time Nando's fan.
So anyway, that´s all for now - just remember the Spanish word for a fun park ride translates as "thing" - so basically you ask "A ticket to ride your thing please...". Also, Spanish and Portuguese people always look like they are talking in photos because they are saying "Patatas" rather then a word that forces your mouth into a smile like formation.
It´s either that or they are still excited from riding some thing.
Hasta Luego ... baby.
- Adam
