Boobies!

No, for once it's not just an immature, attention-grabbing headline, there are literally boobies everywhere here and you can talk about them quite freely and whimsically with those around you. When I say here, I mean the Galapagos Islands: the undisputed capital of booby birds, amongst a myriad of other amazing animalia.

There are few words to describe the feeling of finally seeing this wondrous little archipelago sitting off the South American west coast. The very word Galapagos is in everyone's vocabulary due to endless documentaries, yet this strange place for most of us always seems too distant or exotic or expensive a place to ever venture to. Certainly, it is all of those things, but there is no substitution for it on Earth. This is the naturalist's nirvana, the holy grail of animal curiosities, a circus of the eccentricities of natural selection; the birthplace of Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

The Galapagos Islands have been thrust up from the abyssal depths of the Pacific over a tectonic hot spot. Like clouds trailing from a mountain peak, the islands formed from volcanic activity in the west of the chain and as they gradually slide eastwards towards the Andes they begin to erode and sink in the sea. Each island has one of many names depending on who thinks they saw it first and each offers a different state of fertility and nutrients for supporting life. As a result the fauna and flora at each island have evolved in many strange ways to suit the conditions.

Perhaps most importantly, and certainly most interestingly from a tourist point-of-view, the wildlife here has essentially developed without significant human interaction or, as is the case for many species, any form of predators whatsoever either. It is fair to say that, barring domesticated and captive animals, Galapagos is home to the largest variety of animals that will not run away from you.

In fact it is almost hilarious seeing sea lions sleeping on boats in the harbours and lazing around on the streets of the townships. They don't bother anyone and people just walk by within a foot of them. It's a bizarre and almost unbelievable state of social symbiosis. The marine iguanas are even more comical, they emerge from the sea to bask in the sun on every footpath by the water. Here they lie, spread-legged, eyes closed with a sage-like expression, snorting the odd bit of salt from their noses as tourists are forced to tippy toe around them. Humans may have built the few towns in Galapagos, but the animals most certainly have blended in rather well.

Further in land you can see brightly coloured land iguanas and probably the most iconic of Galapagos creature: the giant Galapagos tortoises. These massive things waddle haphazardly in the highland cloud forests, chewing grass and blocking roads. They stare at you quizzically as you walk by and then continue with their non-stop buffet. They really don't have the slightest care about anything in the world.

This innocent and pure interaction extends beneath the waves where creatures of the depths will happily swim right alongside you looking at you in a sense of child-like puzzlement. Sea turtles will glide with you, chowing on sea grass; penguins will bob and dive and swirl around you; sea lions will swim right at you and perform a last minute right angle turn followed by a series of spins and rolls. The sea lions are absolute attention seekers and easily the most curious and playful of all, they will reciprocate your turns and twists in the water and derive immense satisfaction from bursting through any bubbles you form. There actually seems to be a genuine sadness on their part when you leave; their little heads will poke above the water watching you depart. We must be very strange and funny looking sea lions to them and wholesomely entertaining.

The sea lions' curiosity somewhat hilariously makes them a threat to some other animals. They will sometimes hold a marine iguana in their mouth and play with it underwater and watch it swim around, unaware of the fact that lizards need to breathe too, drowning them accidentally.

Enough about sea lions though, let's talk about boobies some more as it really is so liberating to finally have some poetic license to throw this word around without being overly crass. There are three types of boobies on Galapagos; the blue-footed, red-footed and Nazca. All of them are extremely adept at fishing by diving and watching them plummet from above into the ocean in big groups is a true spectacle.

However, the mating ritual of the blue-footed booby is what really stands them apart from their fellow boobies. In such a ritual the male and the female will perform a strange back and forth dance with one another for an indeterminate amount of time, if the female is happy with the male's dance move repertoire he will then be tasked with the responsibility of finding for her the perfect rock. Not just any rock will do. She knows what she wants and when the male brings back a rock and places it on her foot she will assess the rock for some minutes; judging its size, weight, colour striations and overall 'rock-ness'. If she likes it, she will place the rock where the nest should be made. If the rock isn't up to scratch, she will kick it to the curb. The male will then have to find another new rock and try again. As you walk around the boobies you will see many a frustrated male analysing rocks on the ground.

Draw parallels to diamond rings and modern love as you will.

It is entirely possible to just visit the Galapagos and see some of it through a number of day trips, but the best way to see more of the harder to get to islands is via an extended multiple day cruise. We're not talking luxury liner here though so you can abandon any misconceptions of luxury. The 'Guantanamera', slowest ship of the seven seas, was the humble host of our fourteen strong group of adventurous souls. All aboard had made the conscious, though largely budget driven, decision to brave these wild seas in one of the smallest boats plying these waters to see the farthest reaches of this wonderland. Maybe some amongst you are hardy sailors with years of watery journeys under your salty caps, but for those of you who aren't, this is what it's like aboard a little boat for many days in exposed waters...

Firstly, you can forget about meaningful REM sleep. You will feel every wave as the boat bottoms out over each crest and listen to every creak and groan of the boat structure for early warning signs of collapse. Some folk had sleeping pills which seemed to work, although they still had tales of loose objects falling on them and waking them. If it isn't strapped down, it ain't stayin' where you put it.

Secondly, get used to walking like a 3am drunk. There is no such thing as a sure foot fall. You will be stumbling, clambering, grasping for purchase points as you navigate around the boat. Inevitably you end up moving in small running motions timed with each wave, turning the boat into a bit of a dance spectacular. You'll find a 45 degree angle lean against the wall to be mandatory. Strangely, once your sea legs kick in, you'll suddenly find yourself at one with the motions and instead you will walk like a zombie on land.

Thirdly, showering is slppin' slidin' watery voyage! All you can do is wedge one foot into one corner, the other into another and plant one hand against a wall Spiderman style, leaving you with one hand to do all the work. This is only made more exciting by the fact the shower is little more than a dribble that bends and weaves in every direction gravity demands of it. And don't even start me on the dangers of urinating while standing as a man. Just don't do it. Ever.

Lastly, get used to being permanently damp. Moisture is your friend to the end and everything you wear and own will be forever slimy and weird to the touch. Dryness is for the landlubbers!

It's certainly not all doom and gloom however.

On the open ocean, straddling the equator, you are treated to possibly the most amazing views of the stars imaginable. The Milky Way unveils itself before you in a level of detail you can only see to believe. Conveniently one of our group was an astrophysicist too, which made for fantastic night time astronomy classes.

At this time of year (September/October), the waters are fed by an Antarctic 'Humbolt' current which, besides from making the water mind-numbingly cold, brings a nutrient rich stream of plankton and other goodies to the islands. This means there are fish everywhere and in the rare still moments of safe harbour of a night you can see the microscopic ocean life light up the ocean with phosphorescence. Magical seems too common a word to describe it, but magical it most definitely is.

Of a day time, when not hiking or splashing about with animals in the water, you can relax on the deck and enjoy the sight of little Galapagos islands meandering by as magnificent frigate birds soar overhead. Sea lions and dolphins also interact with the boats and we were extremely fortunate to see some killer whales which is obviously a rare thing when the captain leaves the bridge to take a photo. Although we all began wondering who was driving ...

Whilst the food on the boats is generally quite good and varied by virtue of being included in the scary price tag, food on the islands at the ports is a decidedly touristic affair with depressingly expensive pizza and hamburger joints scattered around liberally. It can certainly be hard to keep to a budget here when everyone more-or-less assumes you must be loaded to be here in the first place and virtually all food has to be flown in. This makes the Galapagos Islands one of the few places where an onion will cost more than a Mars bar. It's all a question of shelf life.

There is one type of food here though which seems to be in plentiful supply and is uncharacteristically cheap: seafood. Here you can eat yourself a massive lobster at a ludicrous price, or knock down an absolutely delicious seafood soup for next to nothing. If you don't like fish, or any place that smells remotely fishy, Galapagos could be hell. But if you do, welcome to heaven.

Galapagos is most probably a once in a lifetime trip. It's a natural paradise, beautiful to behold and arguably the safest place in all of South America. It's where Darwin formed an idea in his mind that would radically alter our perspective on the creation of life. It's a place where you can wear a t-shirt that says "I love boobies" and not be shunned as uncultured swine.

For all of these reasons Galapagos is a special place to be protected and nurtured forever more.