AMERICA! F!$K YEAH! (Part Two : The North)

And thus it came to pass that the adventure should head back northwards, to the colder climbs, forthwith to a place as high as it is wide - New York City. The journey was arduous and riddled with many calories. There were times on the NYC metro that the fake wallet felt more threatened than any gypsy encounter and the cold spires of an unforgiving city loomed overhead whilst navigating suspiciously logical street naming conventions. The big apple begs travelers to take a bite their entire lives, it felt like a big thing to finally be here.

New York is a huge place. There are more people in the greater NYC area than there are in all of Australia. Jeepers. The skyscrapers are immense and the city blocks they line trail into the distance to create streetscapes like no other. People rush to and fro, coffees in hand, amongst a blur of yellow cabs and street vendors selling dubious foodstuffs. Without a doubt there is no other place on Earth like this city.

New York is so big it has it's own micro climate and regardless of what that actually means, I can neatly summarise NYC's weather pattern for you - first, take a hundred or so 4 x 2 lego bricks and stack them up in little towers in a grid like pattern. Now once you have done that, point a desk fan at it and voila, you have a working 3D model of what it is like to be in the middle of NYC. The wind is unearthly and through more investigation (by following a debris trail of lost scarves, hats and gloves) I determined the Empire State Building to be central vortex. The gale was absolutely incredible up there and worth every bad Twister movie joke.

Of a day time NYC is daunting in all it's vertical glory, of a night time it becomes the closest thing Earth has to a man made sun. The amount of electricity flowing through it's veins is mind blowing and the only hope you will have of seeing stars is walking down Broadway or perhaps by looking at your bank account and the unmerciful pounding it takes here at every turn. Times Square, as many of you will attest to, is something else altogether. It has to be one of the only places in the world where you can take night time, outdoor group photos from several metres away without a flash. This city truly never sleeps.

To be honest, it's quite amazing people still live here - considering it has been attacked by aliens so many times, destroyed routinely by "end of the world" disasters and is a regular stomping ground for giant rampaging marshmellow men and angered sea monsters alike. The ability to rebuild and get on with the job is a hallmark of the NYC spirit. Jokes aside of course, the ground zero site is still under reconstruction and is pretty disarming to see. The memorial they have planned for the site looks amazing and it would be great to be able to see it again one day finished.

Lower Manhattan is really cool, it is actually like London - on steroids. There is most certainly an affinity with ornate buildings and greek pillars in and around Wall Street, which has been now Rage Against the Machine free since 1999.

The locality of Tribeca is probably the best spot, it has such a great little quiet inner city vibe to it. The back alleyways are latticed with fire escapes and red brick, shrouded in steam coming from sewer vents making for what we all know to be the iconic NYC street visage. It's also home of the Ghostbusters fire station (they still have the sign on the wall inside next to the trucks!) and might I say the Standard Hotel was well worth sneaking into for a look at their elevator!

Amongst all the hustle and bustle though, there is a green side to New Yo... SQUIRREL!!! ..... rk City. Central Park is a low lying forest surrounded by a concrete cage. Whilst really quite picturesque, it's important to enjoy nature in moderation. You must vacate by 6pm, at which point they lock the gates and anyone in there is pretty much given up for dead.

No visit to NYC is complete without seeing the Central Library. The grand entrance seems to be permanantly covered in scaffolding throughout history and is guarded by the famous lion statues that keep an eternal vigil against buskers. Inside, the hallways are amazing and the reading rooms are epic in every way. Here you can relive classic Ghostbusters scenes... "Back off man, I'm a scientist"

NYC, being a "crossroads of the world", is also a crossroads of culinary delight. There were some staples such as pizza, pretzels, bagels and the highly ambiguous "hot dogs". But there are also fantastic cabaret restaurants, such as the spectatcular Stardust 50's diner featuring singing wait staff! I'll always remember enjoying malted milk shakes while listening to the waitress recite her romantic ballad about her forbidden love with Taylor the latte boy. You see, all these years she had waited, she never thought love could be so caffeinated ...

Now call it good fortune, call it destiny, but this visit coincided with a hot chocolate festival. New York delivered some strong contenders, but Europe is still one up over ol' US of A in the hot choc stakes. That being said though, the variety of all things sweet here is extraordinary including a whole manner of dessert pizzas that would make the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles go (more) green with envy. As hard as you try to resist, America is bound to break down your will to eat healthy one way or another.

To wrap up, America is not what you expect it to be and everything you expect it to be. It's big and it's crazy. Sure, many Americans might not seem to care too much for the world outside their borders but when you live in a country as weird, wonderful and spoiled for choice as this I guess it is easy to see why that could happen.

The USA is an amazing place, but remember "Freedom isn't free. It costs folks like you and me. And if you don't give in your buck o'five, who will?"

"Mmmmm buck o'five...."

Rock on USA.