Danish? Yes please!

Sticking out of the top of Germany and a stone’s throw across the water from Sweden lies Denmark. It’s a cute little country that boasts the world’s oldest flag and seems to be a series of islands mainly made of pig farms.

The original goal for visiting Denmark was predominantly based around my kindred urge to visit THE Legoland. Unfortunately it didn’t quite work out (basically the bank account would have transformed to a  burning crater) but a visit to the great Danes happened anyhoo. I mean, who could turn it down with tourist promotional brochures that said it would “Denmark will almost dazzle you”. 

Before I begin recalling the Danish adventure in earnest, let me remark that getting to Denmark from Germany is perhaps the coolest train ride on the planet. Basically, the train tracks go to the edge of the Baltic Sea, at which point they put the entire ICE train on a boat (with you still on the train!) and take the train across the sea where it can recommence it’s journey on the other side. It was really quite cool.

If you have not heard it, the Danish language sounds a little like a happy children’s song. People chirp it rather than say it and the inflection flies up and down the octaves every second word. It was not my first encounter with it, having met a very friendly Dane in Germany a year ago who laughed hysterically as I writhed about contorting my face in attempts to pronounce the simple phrase “Rødgrød med Fløde” (red pudding with cream). The sound required is perhaps best likened to Goofy clearing his throat.

I was assured that this was more than just an entertaining Litmus Test for tourists, it was actually the case that this phrase was used to weed out foreign spies in WW2 as no non-Dane seems to be capable of conjuring these unearthly sounds.

The adventure in Denmark was relatively short, only really visiting the capital Copenhagen; quite a nice city that has a love affair with copper roofs here and canals. It’s also fairly quiet in tourism terms too, I guess it has big prices and doesn't really have any Colosseums or Arc de Triumphs ... but it most certainly has one attraction worth the pilgrimage – Tivoli Gardens.

More than making up for the sad Legoland omission, Tivoli Gardens is a collection of some of the most antiquated and death defying fun park rides in the world, centrally located smack back in the middle of Copenhagen. Who could forget the rollercoaster still driven by a guy on board with a big lever, or the excruciating Hans Christian Andersen “experience”, or the gigantic spinning seat on a flimsy chain ride possibly built in the early steam age that shatters perceptions of real fear, and I especially cannot forget the male fertility destroying ride in the far back corner now known only as “the ride that shall not be named”. Stay the hell away from that.

Danish food isn't really that amazing unfortunately, although there was a local food fair that sold some traditional cold Herring dishes which were quite ... special. I certainly also enjoyed watching the free kitchen demonstration – it was the closest thing we have experienced to the muppet Swedish chef in real life. Additionally and amusingly the Danes have some great names for everyday foods – for example their name for mashed potatoes translates as “burning love”. Awesome.

Denmark was a good bit of fun but you know, even though Legoland didn't materialise due to financial concerns, the bank account was still a smouldering crater after going to Denmark. A cheap place it ain’t; when I saw there was actually some money left after the visit I was almost dazzled.